How to get your groove back

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Did things derail a bit at the end of last year? That one relationship you thought would stand the test of time ended after two weeks? Drunk called your boss; then said some things and did some stuff that provoked them to fire you? Life has no meaning, direction, or purpose anymore? Girl, you need to get your groove back!

It’s the beginning of a new year, and if the Mayans are correct; the beginning of the last year ever, so what better time to have the best year yet! (But if the Mayans are wrong and you have the best year yet only to lead to sheer disappointment in 2013, due to it not living up to the previous year, don’t blame me).

So here’s five tips to help you get your groove back in order to have yourself the best year ever! (Not an actual guarantee)

Tip #1: Are you a reclusive shut-in? Got no friends? The only acquaintance you have is a volleyball you named Wilson? Well it’s time to get out there and meet some new people, dummy! There’s a load of people that you can go meet and befriend. There’s about a billion people on Earth, so you can meet new people anywhere, at a rave, at your Mum’s house, a mosque; there’s unlimited possibilities for new friendships.

Tip #2: Go on, get that cool job you’ve been eyeing. You’re unemployed and need a cash flow to start coming in to pay off that shiny new pinball machine you just bought, now what? Get that cool new job! And if you think “Oh there’s no way I can get that job,” Think again! Most people fail their interviews because they suck up to their potential employers, they come off as shy, timid and desperate. Instead, you’ve gotta be more self confident, act like you don’t even need the job “Yeah I can get any job I want, what makes yours so special? Hurry up chief, got ten other interviews today”. I guarantee it will work and ensure quick employment and maximum groove retrieval!

(Not an actual guarantee. Please disregard this tip. This piece does not reflect the thoughts and views of St. Kilda News)

Tip #3: Still living with your parents? Time to move out of home and experience life on your own! Maybe rent a place with one of those friends you made from Tip #1, or Wilson the volleyball, whichever one. Getting away from your parents will give you independence too, thus helping you get your groove back.

Tip #4: Ate too much over Christmas? Promised yourself on January 1st you were going to work it off? You blew it, didn’t you? The year’s still young though, you can still work off that whole Christmas turkey you ate, much to your family’s displeasure. This is a board certified way of getting your groove back, which board? Who knows!

Tip #5: Got dumped last year? Go out and find love again! You know what they say; ‘there’s plenty of fish in the sea,’ although people aren’t fish… and it’s socially unacceptable to date fish… I mean, it’s just greatly frowned upon, so is dating Wilson.

So, there you have it. Five general tips to help get your groove back. Well none are actually guaranteed to work and successfully get your groove back, and they’re all really, really general and fairly obvious without being helpful. I mean, they all seem kind of straightforward. Heck, they probably wouldn’t apply to most people. You can probably disregard all of this.

By Ross Purdy

1 Comment

  1. Anastasia

    13/03/2012 at 8:16 AM

    This is one shop we always visit when we come down to Melbourne. For me its so St Kilda! Cool gifts and nice staff. I only wish they had an lonine store as its sometimes hard to get stuff back on the plane. Ps the hand made cushions are the greatest!

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