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I’m back. You never even missed me. That was probably due to the brilliant covering of the editorial staff who probably didn’t notice I wasn’t here either. And at this time I am still not, due to suffering to the worst case of Jetlag I have ever experienced. Going was not a problem as I think we were going back in time (Budapest is 7 hours behind us -they often phone up to see how the day is going to be) so we were always ahead of the game. But since we got home my body clock has been thrown into turmoil. At 3am I am wide awake and ready, nay, anticipating a party and it’s “go, go, go” until 2pm when someone throws the switch and the whole power plant is shut down. I have been known to yawn and fall asleep in approx 2 point 8 secs. Last time was in the queue at the bank, the other patrons just walked round me. Someone popped 20 cents in my hand I think they thought I was one of those people who pretend to be statues. Hopefully it won’t last much longer.

Yes we went to Europe. On a cruise from Budapest to Amsterdam, down the Danube, the Main and the Rhine. Budapest was once two cities Buda and Pest on each side of the Danube but decided to become one according to the tourist guide for reasons I’ve since forgotten. Made me think though, what if it was Melb and Ourne? The Northern and Southern suburbs do have that rivalry, maybe that’s how it started. But they have that all over the world, maybe that’s how it all started. We should go back to our original halves. Lon and Don, Par and Is, New and York, Wagga and Wagga, Saint and Kilda.

Oh maybe not.

One thing I noticed or didn’t was bald men. In Europe or the bit I was in, we, the folically challenged wear hats or grow as much hair as we can and comb/brush it to cover said pate. When I returned all the builders, waiters postmen and any general dogs body have shaved shiny domes. How did that start? Did someone after a shower while using a misty mirror trying to get his sideburns even. “no the left is higher” shave, shave,shave, “no now the right ones higher”.  Next thing you know both sideburns are half way up his head and the only way out is to take it all off and start again. He goes to the pub, all his mates laugh until some bird says “Oh don’t it look tough!”. Then the craze began. Luckily we have the weather for it.

If you have an opinion you’d like to vent write to me at and if it’s not too politically incorrect (even if it is) it may pass inspection and appear in this column.  (We can withhold names if preferred)

“Till next time. Woof!


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