Dating Kinks with Miz Phoenix

No matter what your kink, dating is challenging at the best of times. And my dearest readers, I have heard you are in need of guidance on first dates, so I’m here to help! Heading out on a first date can be daunting, so here are some good tips to follow through with:

1)     Dress the part

Who are you? What do you want? These are important questions to ask yourself before heading out on a first date. If you just want a fuck, dress the part – go slutty and slink in with your bedroom eyes fluttering. If you’re out for something more, think about what your clothes say about you.

2)     Find a safe location

There are some wonderful cafes and bars around St Kilda, down Acland and Inkerman Streets, all with lots of people and a good vibe for a first date. For the more open-minded, try a popular St Kilda venue like Abode Nightclub or The Greyhound Hotel. Remember, wherever you choose, be safe. You want to be somewhere you feel comfortable, where other people are present.

3)     Arm yourself

So someone may seem lovely online or at the pub, but when you meet them for a date, there is the potential for things to go pear-shaped. If you do not know a martial art form, perhaps think about arming yourself. Avoid coming to your date equipped with a small knife collection; not only is it against the law, but you’ll surely scare them away before you’ve had a chance to open your mouth.  A drink bottle or umbrella both make excellent make-shift weapons, for attack or defence, and you’ll always have a perfectly sane cover story for carrying it with you.

4)     Tell a friend

It is very important to tell someone else that you’re heading out on a first date. If for nothing else, this will come in handy when they find your cold, dead body and need to drop you into a mine shaft somewhere. On a lighter note, telling a friend works wonders for escaping a bad date. I have a system which works well. Just get your friend to ask the questions and your answers will give you a way out. First: “How hot are they out of ten?” Next: “How much fun are you having out of ten?” and finally, “Do you need rescuing?” So, the phone will ring, and you’ll say “8, 9, no”… or if that’s a “yes, please rescue me”, then make up some excuse and leave immediately. If you like them, just go on with the date. Oh and if your date asks what that weird call was about, say you’re an international spy. It makes them do a double take and they laugh, moving conversation along. (Note: if you ARE an international spy, I have found this technique also works. Seriously, no-one believes you anyway).

5)     Food and Drinks

If you’re heading out for a bite to eat, remember you’re still on that oh-so-special first date. Perhaps if your date really is “The One”, they won’t care about that parsley stuck between your teeth… On the other hand, this is the first date, and no one wants to mess it up. Make sure your food choice is simple, odourless, and easy to eat. With drinks, I recommend you choose whatever makes you feel comfortable. It is best to avoid excessive alcohol consumption on your first date, for the one simple fact- you want to remember this day. Let your first date be a relatively dry one and then you can look back fondly on it.

6)     Key topics

This is where your kink comes in. If you’re a vanilla flavour, avoid sex talk until you’ve covered the basics: job, hobbies, music, art, film, upbringing/ culture. Actually, scratch that- whatever your fetishes, act normal for once! Especially my darling submissives, try not to beg your date to be your Master straight off. Not only will you come across as hideously needy, but it’s incredibly distracting. Of course Dominants want new slaves, yet we also want to get to know you better as a person first.  So once things are moving along and you find you click on the basic levels, slowly approach the topic of sex, or fetish. With fetish talk, approach with caution. If you are looking for a Dominant, think about the qualities of a good Master and how this person can fulfil that for you. It’s not just about aggression or them treating you like crap (even if you do enjoy humiliation). When hunting for a potential submissive, the same rules apply. Is your date responsive to you, can they follow orders, are they bratty? When discussing more specific kinks, try poking around the edges, such as “I really like your shoes” can lead into trampling or femdom discussion. Be sneaky.

7)     Kiss and Tell

Please kiss and tell. Ooh, or write to me! I love to hear your experiences, and welcome questions about sex, BDSM, swinging, the lifestyle, and fetishes in general. As your first date draws a close, you may have the opportunity to kiss, and if you like them, I highly recommend a pash. In fact, you might even have sex on the first date. Studies show that sex on the first date has no impact on a relationship working out or not, so live it up! If things are meant to be, they will.