Bytestories – Story of the month

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This story was originally published on, a popular website born right here in St Kilda. If you want to read more or have any interesting stories to share yourself, check it out! And if you submit a story and email, you too could be immortalised in St Kilda News just like Brad. After all, everyone has a story to tell…


Embarrassing Encounter with the Floor Polishing Machine

By Brad Oakes (comedian)

I had a job when I was about 19 where I used to polish the floors in the old Queen Victoria Hospital.

One night my polishing machine was on the blink and took off down the corridor without me.

I chased it and grabbed the handles only to have the thing buck then flip me over the handles onto my back.

Then the machine came at me between my spread legs and the half metre diameter brush head was agitating between my legs like a rabbit on Viagra.

Just then, about a dozen female student nurses walked out of the cafeteria and saw me getting polished on the floor and nearly fell over laughing at the sight.

I have had mixed feelings about nurses ever since then.

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